You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My Higher Power is John Stamos
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
