She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
