what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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