"it" just moved
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
