Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
