ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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