you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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