the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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