It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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