And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
