i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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