ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
They took my balls.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
