Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
