i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
