Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
