I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Terrible idea I love it
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
