her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
we made out on top of his cat.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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