The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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