good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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