there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
