I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
