I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
