I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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