I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
