Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
