You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
