basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
