I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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