wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
