Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
