Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
