I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
