what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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