ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
