I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
