If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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