Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
