so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
