so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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