The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
