You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
