dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
even my farts smell like vagina
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
