i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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