these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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