the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
