You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
