Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
