I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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