seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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