TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
