i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i think i just lost a toe
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
