All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
