I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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